Stay Close: A Mother's Story of Her Son's Addiction

What is the best way for a mother to deal with her son's drug addiction? Is there a proper and effective way to diminish the pain and disappointment they both feel? Mothers typically respond to this dilemma in a variety of ways. They may enable the addict by bailing him out of his scrapes and financially assisting him, thereby unintentionally prolonging his sickness. At the other extreme, they may practice tough love, cutting off all support and communication hoping he will decide to get help on his own, but sometimes this only exacerbates the alienation the addict already feels, driving him deeper into his hole. Libby Cataldi, author of the memoir, "Stay Close", and mother of addicted son, Jeff, vacillated between these two poles until she discovered that her best course of action would be "stagli vicino," Italian for "stay close." "Stay Close" is a heart-rending roller coaster ride through a mother's nightmare of coping with her son's raging addiction. She discovered that it's best to give plenty of love and compassion, but withhold any financial support or aid that would prevent Jeff from feeling the consequences of his actions. Never deny an addict his pain. She learned the hard way that there's no hero or saviour for the addict. Jeff was a high-achieving, intelligent, and functioning addict, who began to lie, manipulate, and deceive. That's the only way an addict can continue to use. Addiction thrives in the darkness of dishonesty. Heroin finally took everything from Jeff, leaving him in rehabs, jails and homeless. In the end, he reached the point where the addict is more afraid of living without drugs than he is of dying. Cataldi discovers in Al-Anon that the majority of families of addicts make a solitary walk through hell because they feel so much shame and guilt. After Jeff's many false starts at recovery, she also learns that there is no finish line with addiction. The addict will always have to be vigilant and proactive. Anyone who loves someone who has a drug problem should read "Stay Close", especially mothers. And of course, the addict, who often falsely believes he's only hurting himself, and is blind to the effects of his actions on those who love him, should also read "Stay Close". After reading "Stay Close", tonight I'll say a prayer for all the mothers of sons and daughters who suffer from this cunning, baffling and mysterious disease.David Allan ReevesAuthor of "Running Away From Me"

This book was hard to put down. It was so personal and so revealing. As a mom dealing with substance abuse with my young son, I felt very moved by every word. I was rooting for her son with every page I read. I felt the dread and disappointment and a pit in my stomach when her son didn't chose sobriety. I was praying for a peaceful ending for the whole family. So many things resonated with me. I may read it again because it was that good. Thank you to the author and her family for being willing to share their journey.

Stay Close was recommended to me by a mom living the daily ups and downs of having a son with the disease of addiction. My son died from the disease in 2003 at the age of 35. As I work with parents today, those whose children have died, and those whose children battle this disease, denial and lack of education are always part of each story. While some critics dismiss the author's candid story, I find it sadly, bewilderingly common.Because I have come to understand addiction as a disease, would we invest as much in denial and lack of education if cancer, epilepsy, diabetes were the case? Maybe so if that is our typical response to life's challenges. More often we would dive in and learn, seek, reach out. What holds us back in this disease? Ego, shame, stigma, false assumption to name a few. Are we not willing to admit ignorance in the face of a life threatening disease if it means helping our beloved children and loved ones? This is an ugly disease in some unique ways. The author describes what I hear from parents all the time. "I had to put food on the table, too." "I had other children." And so much more....When we walk in the shoes of a parent dealing with this disease, reality bites hard. Self-confidence comes from developing a sense of sure-footedness by rising to that which life brings to us. The author has found her grounding as we can as well. From this sense of finding your footing, hope gets redefined. Inner strength develops slowly because the outcome is not known...until it is known. We are not a society that is comfortable with the unknown. Life threatening diseases always bring the unknown. But in the bigger truth, so does living. This book goes on my recommend list, too.

As the mother of an addicted son, I connected immediately to this powerful memoir where Cataldi shares the story of her son, Jeff’s, valiant struggle to recover from severe drug addiction from her point of view. The heartache of watching a son descend into addiction is palpable and connected me to my own story.With raw honesty, graphic detail, and believability, Cataldi takes us through her many attempts to save him, until she comes to the realization that until Jeff decides to quit, her loving attempts to care for her son are unsuccessful. It is through her journey that we see the heart-wrenching and agonizing choices parents of addicts must face. We also learn Jeff’s side of the story through his own entries and see the hold addiction has on a person’s life.Parents of addicts are often admonished to let go of their child when they are in active addiction. However, Cataldi heeds the advice of an Italian recovering addict to “stay close—never leave him, even when he is most unlovable”. She learns how to set healthier boundaries with Jeff while finding ways to take care of herself.Although every addiction story is unique, Libby’s and Jeff’s story provides a wellspring of hope and inspiration to those struggling with addiction. It is a story of love, courage and healing in the face of the relentless, cunning beast of addiction. That recovery is possible, despite all odds, is perhaps the book’s most important message.I highly recommend this gripping memoir to any one affected by addiction as well as to those who serve the addicted population

Absolutley stunning. I couldn't put it down.